Was there an outside intervention?, fixing politics paper help

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I wrote this paper but I got 7 out of 10 and I need to fix it because I got some comments from my professor the paper should focus more in the dependent variables and the independent variables . this are the comments I got from my professor :

This is a good start on putting together some ideas about the civil war in Iraq. Remember that your goal here is to identify the independent and dependent variables in each case. So I thought what you had been saying before is that your thesis will be that outside intervention makes the civil war longer.

In order to do that, you need to compare several cases of civil war, and then for each case ask:
  1. Was there an outside intervention?
  2. How long did the civil war last?
So for your Iraq case, you should:
  1. Describe outside intervention (from Iran and the United States, and others if any)
  2. Explain how the civil war lasted
Then this week you will write other cases. Choose at least one country that had a civil war and did not have as much outside intervention. Maybe Algeria or Zimbabwe.

also I have a sample from my friend paper but she have different topic so please do not plagiarize something it is different but I only want you to see the way she wrote it

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